So this past weekend was essentially the "winter meetings" for soccer here in Connecticut. which means all my friends and I from soccer life have the opportunity to get back together during the off season. It is such a great time, especially to see everyone again after a bit of a break from the college season. The main meeting for the referees was put on for a group that was selected at the "top officials" in the state. Two of our administrators went over qualifications and what it will take to make it to the next level, the national level. Quick breakdown, refereeing here in the US is done by grade levels. You start at a grade 8 and work up to 1. 2 and 1 are international referees, the guys you see at the world cup. I am currently at grade 5 looking to go to the national referee level which obviously starts at grade 4. Refereeing is not a job, nor can you live off just refereeing, but it is a great hobby. I want nothing more than to make it o the top level. I really truly believe that nothing can stop me when it comes to this. My life has worked out so far that I have been able to be available and go to most of the places for soccer. I can't say where I will be in a year but I know that I want refereeing to be a big part of it as I go back to school. Nothing was said in our meeting yesterday that cam as a shock to me. The commitment for something that IS NOT a career is really unbelievable. Between the travelling and the schedule changing at a moments notice, it really is going to have to be one of the biggest balancing acts, but again I want nothing more than to be successful at this. From the relationship aspects of things, it really is probably one of the worst things you could ever do lol. Picking up and leaving for 2 days, coming back home for 3 maybe 4 then off for another two and that is almost 8 moths out of the year. For now, that is not the problem the only thing that it going to be more important for me right now is the $$. I will make the time, but when it comes to paying for all the plne tickets and hotel rooms and such it really adds up even after 1 trip. See the thing in soccer is that unfortunately, for the referees, compensation isn't the easiest to come by. But, I will make it work, I have to, this is what I want more than anything, well that and also to be successful in my professional life, and to be happy, blah blah blah. School is going and will continue to go, but for me this year is really about my refereeing. Between the training I have been doing so far and trying to watch as many matches as possible, really just gearing up mentally and physically for the season which starts in the second week of March (not too far away). As I mentioned before I really am where I didn't think that I was going to be at the start of 2012 and how that really is awesome and the doors are open etc. there are still times where you can't help but feel crappy, even just for a little bit, where things are right now, but when I do all I think about is the possible opportunity not what could have been (ie school, home, relationship). Things are good, just have to smile and take the next step.

"Everyday should be a good day to die"

The only completely consistent people are dead...

I guess if you are a consistent person then that quote won't make you chuckle like it made me. One of the few consistent things in my life it that it is always changing. Guess what? Things don't always go to plan, things don't always go they way that you may want them to go, but as long as you realize that it is okay, you will be fine. Think you might fail and you will. The universe has a funny way of giving you the opportunity to do exactly what you want to do. That is not to say it will be delivered on a silver platter, because more often than not you need to find that door that is open just a crack. Maybe there are multiple doors that are cracked, and guess what? The first one you go through might be a dead end, and too the second and third one. Failure should not be an option, but it is a reality. A reality that we all should realize, but not accept. So much has already not gone to plan for me 24 days into 2012 that at first I was kinda bummed about it, but then I realized I am being provided with a great opportunity... to go in any direction that I want. There is nothing more powerful than the ability to chose where you will go. All we have is to be positive, and the rest stems from that. I still have those moments of, "Jesus, where do I go from here," don't get me wrong, but I almost tell myself that I don't have an option. I'm pissed I'm not where I thought I'd be in school, but how can you dwell on that?? Especially when it's something that will not change. I miss you, and I probably will for a while but how can you dwell on that?? Especially when it's not something that will change... you get the idea. If you are wondering, I guess the answer is yes, I do going on about things in the most general sense. Who knows the next time I will post, but I'm pretty sure I will have a damn good reason to whenever it is I do.

"Tell me what in the world would I go on for, if I had it all?"